Feminism Around Us

Avg well educated Indian Girl - that's me.

Have had a decent education.

Has a decent job to take care of her own expenses. 

Not dependent on family - for her indulgences - be it shopping, travel or anything else.

Who knows how to speak her mind.

Who knows how to care.

Who knows what being a "bitch" = "mean" means; 

tries her best not to indulge in that emotion.

Who has the social circle of women around her with almost the same means in life.

So, feminism which is a strong core value for any educated woman should have almost the same expression for her as for other women around her!

Yet, no, it's very different to most of the women she knows. 

I am not advocating that my way of feminism is right, or others are wrong. 

Each to her own, but the other ways made me wonder, and hence this post. 

I see women around me screaming feminism when their boyfriend or husband asks for a cup of coffee! Yet the same women when are emotionally bullied by their boyfriend and husband - don't even notice....

In college, I had this whole bunch of girls around me all for supremacy of woman, but when it came to brass stacks, they told me to accept that in the end I am the daughter of "Eve", I have certain duties to perform which should be fine as women still rule the world by ruling the men. (yes, big eye-roll) 

At workplace, if the female force is dominant, they would gang up a male colleague and usually the one who is more sensitive to male female equality - while the same women would give in to what we traditionally call "MCPs" by saying "oh, what a man!"

At parties, the fav. jokes are on men women habits - again bracketing / limiting how they operate - is actually a subtle way to say - that's how they should operate. 

These are quite common situations. I wonder how does crying and using the word feminism at the drop of the hat after every three lines helps! 

Feminism is not or has ever been about putting men down.

Coming to some recent incidents - a lot of people around me called the movie "Dangal" pseudo feminism - I fail to understand this emotion too! 

In movie Dangal - the male protagonist is raising the first generation of liberated women - not second or third. Ideas floating around of how the women are again a subject of a "male" fulfilling his dreams and not asking them what they want to do - is hilarious and living in utopian land. What did they expect Mr. Phogat - a man in rural India who himself is without high education to do - to ask his daughters if they want to become astronauts or doctors or painters and then work his ass off to enable that!!! the rules of asking and sensitivity apply from second or third generation of "liberated" women, not the first. 

On the contrary, everyone loved the movie "Angry Goddesses". For me, it was banal, as though one can only make a statement about women strength by showing rape as the main theme.  

My fav. example of feminism are the last scenes from the movie "Queen" - where the girl goes and silently returns the engagement ring to her would be mother-in-law. Any other movie, any other script writer - it would have called for a long speech of how the girl has discovered herself, and about women empowerment. Yet, in that scene - she remains quiet, just returns the ring and moves on. 

People who cry the loudest, usually act the least. 

Using the word "feminism" in Facebook posts, or in one's everyday talk doesn't get one anywhere. Like Madonna put it rightly in her Billboard Awards Speech "There are lot of men worth backing, not because they are men, but because they are worthy". 

Ditto for women - just because a female around you is going on about women rights - doesn't mean one has to back her to show solidarity to women - but only if her ideas are worth it. 

Most of the women around me, thankfully are "Geeta" (taking from movie Dangal again) or a step ahead even from that - where they can take forward the spirit more, by questioning more, by giving more freedom to the next generation.

Taking comfort in only screaming feminism and giving in to one's abusive boy friend is not feminism.
Ganging up on your male colleague or giving him long lines on women empowerment is not feminism.
Not letting your 4 year old son join a dance school as that might make him soft is a direct negation of one's so called "feminist" ideals.
Not correcting your daughter's poor math skills while she still has a chance of improving - by saying "It's OK, women are usually bad at maths" is killing feminism.

Having utopian ideas about feminism is cool, it sets the bar high... but doesn't help if it only means criticizing those who are doing something (as per their means) about it. It's better than nothing!

For me personally, feminism only means equality. I don't step on your freedom, you don't step on mine. And since more often than not, females are stepped on in ways unknown even to them only because of their gender, this word helps them to focus, identify and correct the imbalance.
Hopefully, soon we are able to do away with this word itself - is my utopia!